how to eat really healthy

[music playing] david choe: china'sa huge place. the landscape keeps changing. it goes from vast canyons tosand dunes to, like, these desolate zombie towns, wherethere's huge complexes where there's just no peopleliving there. things like that, theymake you think about your position in life. we go into these towns andthese worker bees, these

people are working for penniesdoing these huge construction projects. i mean, it makes methink about shit. it's like, i spill paint onthese expensive rugs and then sell it for shitloadsof money. and if i was born in thisshithole town and i had to paint that whole thing and ispilled a drop of paint, then i'd get fired. it's fucking crazy.

it's life circumstance. but i don't know. hopefully life on the road, usexpressing ourselves through dance and music and hitchhiking,maybe we'll start some kind of a revolution. but probably not. let's go. so we're outside of atown called xi'an. it's our next biggest city.

there's a bus. we're just going to get on. i guess we're justgoing to get on. [speaking chinese] david choe: let homegirl knowwe don't have any money. david choe: we're drifters. david choe: we inherentlydon't pay for rides. it's against the religionof the road. no money.

i got a jizz tissueand some dust. we got to get off? so mean. ok, ok. shit. moving. you're very cute, youknow, in this life. david choe: all right. so they were kind enough.

that was a 10-cent ride. i guess we could have fuckingfaked it and paid for it. but sort of goes againstmy religion. it goes against everything webelieve in at thumbs up. and then-- look at this. jump-- let's go. get in. jump in.

squeeze in. yeah! hi. hello. [chinese]. what are your names? david choe: jiang ho. female speaker: jiang ho. david choe: what up, jiang ho?

female speaker: jiang ho,what's up, what's up? david choe: what's up? david choe: hey, ask him if heknows street fighter, the video game. street fighter. david choe: chun li. david choe: does he know chunli from street fighter? all right. thank you.

david choe: i've often wonderedwhy chun li from street fighter hadhuge thighs. every time i got to take adump, i got to squat like this, because all the toiletsare squatter-style. but the chicks, they got tosquat every time they got to pee or shit. they get the hugest hamstringsand calves. david choe: yeah, yeah,yeah, all right. harry kim: all right.

david choe: party. harry kim: yay. david choe: party, party,party, party. david choe: give usa ride, dude. be cool. david choe: whether you give usa ride or you don't give us a ride, it'll neverchange the fact-- david choe: --what a handsomedevil you are. female speaker: ah, come on.

come on. david choe: yeah, yeah? female speaker: come on. david choe: yeah, yeah. you, sir, are a handsomedevil. i like you. david choe: lookat that smile. i want to fucking kissyou right now, man. female speaker: kiss him.

kiss him. david choe: no, you kiss him. i'm not going to kiss him. [laughter] you're the best. one, two, three. go! david choe: yeah. [exciting rock music playing]

david choe: we're in xi'an. it's our first big cityafter beijing. i got the shits. had to take a dump, and i hada accident on my shirt. we came out. these guys looked prettycool and hip. the dude with the orange hair,he looks like a freak, so we just sat down andate with them. we had a delicious meal.

it turns out they'repunk rockers. they're in a rock bandcalled echo rush. we're giving them massagesright now. they're going to go outand party tonight. so you guys ready to rock? yeah? all right, let's do it. echo rush. [punk music playing]

david choe: i love this guy. david choe: echo rush. we fucking rock china so hard. china! fucking love china. i come to china,and the fucking girls have little mustaches. david choe: i like it. i fucking like it.

i saw it, and i wasfucking scared. i was scared when i saw themustache, and now i fucking love it. do you know how to love? do you love, or do you fuck? male speaker: yes, i love. david choe: who do you love? what's the last name? harry kim: do you fuck?

david choe: do you knowwhat love is? do you know what love is? david choe: you'rethe lead singer. you should fuck everybody. fuck everybody. male speaker: ok. david choe: there'sno time for love. there's no time for love. david choe: don't be a bitch.

david choe: fuck from chinaall the way to russia. male speaker: you can help me? david choe: i'll help you. harry kim: oh god,you can do it. david choe: i'm not that shit,but i'll do it for this guy. all the fucking chinese bitcheswith mustaches, i'll fuck them all. i love this guy. [coughing]

david choe: that's not water. female speaker: i'llbe right back, ok? david choe: so we'restill in xi'an. it's a city that's known forthe terracotta warriors. and this guy, i can't travelwith this guy if he looks like shit all the time. so we're going to get hima haircut right now. i don't know. there's not much wecan do with it.

but let's go check it out. david choe: sausage party,all you can eat. that's what last night was. with the good-looking dudesin a rock band. and once again, it took harryto show rockers how to rock. my band, kgb, koreans gone bad,with my brother harry, we formed this shit years ago. we get on stage. the guy writes a song.

it goes, ching chong china,ripping a vagina. i mean, i know i get pissedat harry sometimes. i know i yell at him. but you know what's worsein life than being mad and pissed at harry? it's not having harryin your life. so today i'm going to treatharry to a day at the spa. get a haircut. this is what you calltraditional-style

chinese bowl cut. harry kim: hey. david choe: look good, man. david choe: remember that babywe saw in that little village? we want this haircuton this guy. all right, we're goingto do harry up one up better than this one. yeah, finish it off. david choe: so in the entirehair salon, harry's getting

his hair cut by the one girlthat is not certified, and has never done a haircut before. we think she's thereceptionist. female speaker: she's a littlenervous right now. david choe: oh, don'tbe nervous. david choe: if you guys arebored watching this, how about we read this girl's shirtwhile harry's getting his hair cut? it says--

harry kim: ok. here, man. david choe: i know harry hasn'tbeen picking up too much road pussy on this trip. that's all about to changeafter this haircut. harry kim: oh. hey. david choe: oh, excuse me. david choe: would youever date a guy

that his this style? david choe: you likethis kind of look? no? david choe: the irony being,she's not into guys that have this kind of style. but the fact is, harry wouldfuck her better than any fucking guy she's ever beeninto, better than any of them. and she'll never know thatpleasure, because she's judging him.

harry kim: yeah. david choe: so i'm sorry. i'm sorry. you will never know. you will never, ever,ever know. you will never, ever know. sorry, harry. i tried. harry kim: it's all right.

[honking] [shrieking] david choe: how-how for echorush, whose favorite drummer is usher's drummer. total sweetheart. total cutie. he let us stay, the whole bandand crew, at his grandmother's house last night. and then even better,their fucking tour

driver, jacob, aka hong-- hi. jacob: ok, hi. david choe: echo rush justfinished their tour, so he's heading-- what's that city? david choe: i can'tpronounce it. david choe: and it seems to besouth, so he's nice enough to give us a ride. jacob?

jacob: ok. david choe: you're on the roada lot with these punk bands. so is it lonely on the road? david choe: i mean,those guys in that band were pretty young. when you're giving a ride toall these young bands, are they annoying? do they get on your nerves? david choe: so since he's allover china, does he have like

a girlfriend in every city? there's a lot of girlson the road? david choe: road pussy. road pussy. jacob, you know what isaid, come on, man. the girls everywhere,all over china. female speaker: called mimis. called mimis. david choe: yeah, mimis.

david choe: do you havea girlfriend? are you married? female speaker: see, they're--he's separated right now. david choe: oh. david choe: oh, wait. so that's very interesting. jacob, i've been in a very longrelationship myself also. but the road kills all. in the end, you canonly choose one--

love or the road. if you love the road, thatwill destroy any relationship you have. and if you choose love, you getlove, but you have to stay at home and be boring. female speaker: becausethat's why after five years they did separate. he chose the road. david choe: jacob, theroad destroyed me.

the road destroyed harry. or not us, but our love lives. but in the end, after thedust settles, we're totally gay for the road. so it doesn't matter. female speaker: he says hechooses the road as well. david choe: oh, yeah! jacob: yeah. david choe: yeah, dude.

jacob: fuck you. fuck you. david choe: the road is longand hard, like harry's shit this morning. but we just got thelongest ride on thumbs up china so far. in my experience of all my yearsof traveling, when you get rides like this, peopleeither pick you up because they want you to keep tellingthem stories to keep them

awake while they're driving,or they want to spill all their shit on you, like you'rea roadside psychiatrist, and they confess all their sins. jacob, my main man, didwhat few drivers usually let you do. and that is sleep. and i mean, we've doneeverything to offer this guy-- cigarettes, red bull, coffee. he is a fucking drivingmachine.

and i just wanted to ask,because we're almost to the town he's going to drop us offin, does he have any words of wisdom or advice that he wouldlike to give to us? female speaker: he says, mygood words to you are that there are beautiful bitcheswaiting ahead for you. david choe: yeah! yeah. david choe: it's anotherbeautiful day in china. thumbs up, china.

thumbs up, everybody. there's more rides to be had. there's more fun to be had. let's get the fuckout of here. dude, we got one of thebest rides we've ever got in our life. true road warrior, down for theroad, ride or die shit. fucking jacob. david choe: longest ride.

drove us out. think we're along the yellowriver right now. it's pretty dirty. i think some rare dolphinwent extinct in it. we're also spending moretime out in the sun. and i was thinking we'regetting darker, and the chinese girls out here like paleskin, so that might be a problem too. we're going to cross thisriver right now,

head in that direction. let's keep rolling it. david choe: hi. more, more. oh! hit that fool. hit him. oh. ooh, hit that bitch.

i like the dude on the left. yo harry, i got $100-- oh! fuck yeah, dude. my money's on harry. go. oh, come on, you pussy. bash that shit, dude. female speaker: comeon, honey. let me touch you.

david choe: are you guysin a bike gang? david choe: yeah? what's the name of their gang? female speaker: theydon't have a name. they just fucking roll. they spin around. david choe: that's cool, man. female speaker: hewants to know if we want to go somewhere.

david choe: yeah,of course, dude. as far as he'll take us. david choe: ride or die. david choe: yeah,come on, man. come on, man. let's ride. [horn honking] david choe: thumbs up, china. harry's balls are touchinghis back.

my balls are touchinghis back. life doesn't get betterthan this. this is my makeshiftcooking show. i'm going to show you how toeat really healthy and nutritious on the road. what is that? female speaker: baby chick. david choe: ok, one. one.

just one. some baby birds. little baby canaries,like tweety bird. eat that shit, dude. how is that? harry kim: mmm, it's good. david choe: it's good? harry kim: mm-hmm. david choe: how's the flavor?

harry kim: a little spicy. david choe: it needsa little something? harry kim: it needs a littlesomething, though. mm-hmm? david choe: you want toput something on it? harry kim: yeah, let's putsomething on this thing. this is the candy man. he takes whatever you want, andhe makes it into candy. like that iggy pop song.

b-52s. (singing) candy, candy, candy. so we got these chickens. they taste like shit. but there's like this thing thatthey have in la, like the roscoe's chicken and waffles. it's, you got some chicken, andyou got some sweetness, some sugar. it's that same concept.

so we got a baby little pigeons,and we're going to caramelize them with some sugar,and have chicken bird. this guy thinks we're a fuckingmoron, but we're going to have tasty treat. david choe: and lettuce. yes, yes, yes. lettuce. it's crunchy on the inside, andcrunchy on the outside. david choe: crunchy crunch.

david choe: this is chinesestyle, ancient chinese style. fucking delicious. oh my god. mmm. that shit is good. cabbage, cabbage pops. this is fucking real eating. this is some gangstashit right here. you want one?

want one? some gangsta shit. this is healthy for you. harry kim: healthy for you. david choe: it's delicious. dude, that's the best spinachyou're ever going to eat in

your whole life. your dad's never going to giveyou spinach like that, never. that's some good shit.

[rock music playing]